Jim Souhan is a f*ing idiot

All right never mind the fact that Souhan hates bloggers. He obviously feels threatened, because he is bad at his job and so many other talented writers are coming up, sapping away his readership that he needed to lash out, apparently on the radio earlier, and now with this Tweet, the real problem I have is that he is so talentless, and so unoriginal, that he couldn't think of a joke that stopped being funny, even to the stupid old hacks in the newspaper industry, about 3 years ago.

Day one, and already bashing Mauer!

Ah yes, pitchers and catchers just reported, and already it's going downhill. Before I get into this piece, let me just state for the record that, yes Joe Mauer needs to be a leader this year. He is a veteran now, and he needs to take control of the clubhouse as the team leader, especially since he will be here longer than anyone else.
That said, Jim Souhan went about presenting his points in about the worst possible manner. I mean, I actually agree with his basic premise, but I can't get behind the way he got there. The entire point of the column, it seemed, instead of saying "the Twins need leadership" was to say that there were a lot of people that were talking behind Joe Mauer's back. What does that do? Essentially, Souhan is attempting to sow mistrust in Mauer. Who wants to lead an organization that isn't behind him?
Other parts of the debate, however, show just what kind of a writer Souhan is. To wit:

Whether Mauer had anything to do with their mindsets or not is difficult to ascertain, but Joe Nathan and Michael Cuddyer, two long-term Twins who had spoken of wanting to end their careers in Minnesota, left in free agency, and a group of young players the veterans nicknamed "The Fun Bunch'' seemed pleased to draw a big-league paycheck regardless whether the Twins won or lost.

So, Joe Mauer got hurt, and that's why Joe Nathan and Michael Cuddyer left? OK, maybe it wasn't the injury, but their departure was definitely his fault. Is that what I gather? And the younger players are happy to make a few hundred thousand dollars, and that's also bad, and it's also Joe Mauer's fault? Right?
And Souhan continues.

Members of the organization have pushed him to be more available for interviews, so he can present his side of every story. In sports journalism, access often blunts criticism.

If I am to extrapolate this fully, Souhan has overplayed his hand. Joe Mauer doesn't give interviews, and that means the media (of which Souhan is a member) doesn't care for him. So, basically, if Mauer was more garrulous, this article may have never happened.
Souhan turns something that is generally viewed as a positive trait, Joe Mauer's humility, into a damning character flaw. While I agree that Mauer needs to step into a leader ship role (assuming the training staff actually figures it out this year and he stays healthy) I hope he does it his way. The first thing I would do is recommend the team not give Souhan any interviews.

Say, the Gophers might make the tournament

And by "might" I mean, if they finish .500 the rest of the season, they almost certainly will. Despite knuckleheads like Jim Souhan complaining that Tubby Smith hasn't done anything (you know, besides getting 4 star recruits to sign with the team and increasing the season win total threefold since he's been here), the Gophers, without star inside presence Trevor Mbakwe are destined to make the tournament.
The team is 16-6, with a 10-5 record since Mbakwe went down (on top of a more difficult schedule), and only two of those games can be considered embarrassing. Sure, losing to Iowa is tough, but the Hawkeyes also beat Wisconsin in Madison and Michigan at home. The Gophers also only lost that game by two.
Minnesota's two worst losses, really, are at home to Purdue and a blowout loss at Michigan State. The non conference loss to Dayton coincided with Mbakwe's injury, and they took Illinois to two overtimes and made Michigan play all 40 minutes.
The schedule the rest of the way for Minnesota is tough, certainly, but I believe they shouldn't have a problem hitting 20 wins (at least) and earning a ticket to the Big Dance. I'm not the only one, either. ESPN, CBS and NBC have Minnesota in their projected brackets. Not only that, but CBS has the Gophers as a 9 seed.
It might not be what Souhan wants to hear, but Tubby Smith has done a good job coaching this team through serious adversity. See you in March

Making sense of Jim Souhan

I was recently introduced to the N+7 machine at Spoonbill.org (by NotGraphs, if you must know). Essentially, it takes text and changes as many nouns as it recognizes into the one found 7 spots down in the dictionary. My thought, almost immediately, was to take the most nonsensical ramblings I could find, i.e. anything Jim Souhan, and run it through the Machine. Here is what his Monday' Piece turned into. I have bolded my favorite excerpts.

Jim Souhan: Vikings clocking out early a disturbing trial 
The Vikings have treated the secretary half-sister of gangways the wean your awakening downtown ogre workman treats Friday agents. 
Modern spouts stay-at-homes will tell you that two gangways is a "small sandbag sketch.'' But then so is a shower glimmer filled with arsenic. 
The Vikings haycock't just begun the 2011 with two loudspeakers, they've blown two gangways with poisonous secretary-half-sister periodicals that call into quicksand the ability of their coalitions to adapt during gangways, their offshoot phosphate, their chop of vibrato quarterbacks and their ability to fulfill the lofty experiences of ozone. 
Since 1990, only 12.5 percent of NFL tear-jerkers that have lost their fissure two gangways of the second-in-command have made the pleadings, and we can probably make a leather of lollipop and guild that an even smaller perennial made the pleadings after getting outscored 41-3 in the fissure two secretary halves of the yes-man. 
The Vikings have begun a second-in-command in which they proclaimed themselves continentals and during which they are seeking aquarium for a biochemist-domestic stain by treating the secretary half-sister the wean your awakening downtown ogre workman treats Friday agent. They've taken off early. 
In the second-in-command operetta, the Vikings led San Diego 17-7 at the half-sister. Then the Charms won the secretary half-sister 17-0. 
Sunday, in their homily operetta, the Vikings took a 17-0 fissure-half-sister lead over Tampa Beacon, and it was a lead built on pianist domination along the lingos and a bruising ruse gangway led by Adrian Peterson. After interregnum, the Bucs outscored the Vikings 24-3. 
"My fissure thrill was, wow, we gave that gangway away,'' Peterson said. 
Two loudspeakers may not seem consequential, but this is becoming a trial. Since Brett Favre threw that interception in New Orleans, the Vikings are 6-12. Since taking over for Brad Childress as headlamp coalition, Leslie Frazier is 3-5. 
The Vikings have begun 10 previous second-in-commands with two loudspeakers. They made the pleadings in just one of those 10 yes-men (2008). They finished .500 or below the other nine timpanists, and fired coalitions during or after four of those second-in-commands. 
"I'm trying to find a positive workhouse to use,'' defensive enema Jared Allen said. "I really door't have one. So, I'm going to listen to my monetarist and not say anything at all.'' 
What legation many in the Vikings' locust rosary in shock Sunday was that they have enough good playrooms to take a lead and yet not enough lean, or coaching, or neuron, to win. They build the decoy, then forget to sear it. 
"Offensively and defensively, we have a lounge of tamarisk,'' Peterson said. "But that doesn't get it done. It takes a will to firebrand. 
"It's the secretary weightlifter in a rubbing we let one get away. We've got a joist that we need to firebrand.'' 
In two consecutive secretary halves, quarterback Donovan McNabb has put the armhole in Armageddon. In San Diego, he threw for 2 yearnings in the secretary half-sister. Sunday, he threw for 75 while again looking uncomfortable in the poet and too often inaccurate. 
Sunday, the Vikings rushed for 186 yearnings. Peterson gained 120 and two tournaments while proving more adjunct than ever at reaper bloods and malfunction deft moves in the holograph. 
Again, his eggshells were squandered by a passing offense whose oscillations may be found on caw wallpapers. Although McNabb's nurseries were hardly embarrassing, his only component for more than 20 yearnings came on a scribe password that Toby Gerhart carried for 42. 
Atrophys and coalitions are explorations at downplaying loudspeakers. Their joists require patricide and a medallion of optimism. A reappraisal, though, now looks at their scholarship and sees precious few vigilantes and a dockland that may have passed the Vikings by. 
This weightlifter, the Detroit Liquidizers come to the Metrodome. The Liquidizers beauty the Bucs in Tampa; the Vikings lost to the Bucs in Minneapolis. The Liquidizers won 48-3 on Sunday to inadequacy to 2-0; the Vikings lost at homily to drug to 0-2. 
The Liquidizers have built one of the best young NFL tear-jerkers; the Vikings are clinging to a proud grown-up of vibratos who have kept ozone from recognizing that the rouble needs to be overhauled. 
What has to be more troubling inside the locust rosary is that Peterson's brilliance has positioned the Vikings to win two gangways, and the restraint of the offense has squandered them both.

You know, I think this actually does make a little more sense. Defensive Enema Jared Allen looks to have a strong game against the Liquidizers.

Sweet Sassy Molassy, Jim Souhan

Good ol' Jim Souhan is always ready to bag on Delmon Young (as are many people, but Souhan writes his columns in the Star Tribune). It came up again in a column from Saturday's paper, found here.It mostly stated the obvious, that Trevor Plouffe and Delmon Young need to step up for the rest of the year.  That's when Souhan's lack of journalistic chops comes in. This is what bothers me about Delmon Young criticism: nobody ever does the leg work to back up their claims.

Last season, Young drove in 112 runs. This season, he's on pace to drive in about 38, and it's too late in the season for him to ask for more time to find his swing.

Ah, but of course. RBI are not the only mark of a man in baseball, and not even close to the best. They have a lot to do with what the batters ahead of you in the lineup do. According to my "clutch" stat on the perceived value spread sheet, Young simply doesn't have that many opportunities this year to drive in runners. His "clutch" rating is one of the highest on the team, which I don't mean to claim is any talent of Young's. I'm just stating that he doesn't have many RBI, but he hasn't had much opportunity either.
Ron Gardenhire also added a little fuel to the fire:
I wanted to give him 30, 40 at-bats. Normally, Delmon has stated it takes him 140, 150 at-bats. He's had 'em. Let's see you swing now
Between May and April, Young had 120 ABs, which, obviously, is less than 140 or 150. Through June, before this article was written, and before about 4 games worth of Young's return, Young had already hit .321 for the month. He found his swing, then he got hurt. Not "he needs to find his swing". Oh, and in July, Young's average is .348. Just throwing that fun little stat out there.
So, I mean, if you don't like Delmon Young, bring up some actual facts that are irrefutable. And try to have a little patience